In a dramatic end to a “disgusting” marriage, a MAFS wife dumps her sex-crazed husband in stunning fashion. James Weir recaps.
While one married wife at first sight veets her hair out of her spouse’s cleft, another veets a sex-crazed husband out of her life.
Yes, we are seeing raw footage from both Veetings. No, Channel 9 does not broadcast an ‘offensive content’ warning beforehand. We should all call the switchboard and complain, like the uptight prudes we pretend to be.
Needless to say, things remain red, especially the show’s sex-crazed groom.
SUMMARY BY JAMES WEIR: Read all summaries here
Sex week continues and we start to wish there was some kind of condom that we could apply to our eyes and our minds. There’s a new couple with room issues.
Mitchell refuses to kiss Ella for five minutes on camera as per their official Sex Week assignment. His reasoning? Kissing is new.
“That’s just stupid,” he laments, lounging elegantly on the couch in a chic cashmere turtleneck.
It’s hard for Ella not to feel rejected by this. And we get it. She is literally rejected.
Kissing is one of the things she loves the most in a relationship. She needs it — just like Texan Andrew, who has long described his love of kissing. For both, a non-kisser is a deal breaker.
It would actually make sense to re-enter Ella with Andrew and then pair Mitch with Holly. After all, Andrew went out of his way to explain how he feels Holly is a bad kisser. Let’s do a switcheroo with these two couples. In our mind, competitors are interchangeable, like Tupperware lids.
Until they’re ready to swap partners, we’re not interested. And because we’re bored, we hop down the hall to Selina and Cody’s joint where we slip a tube of Veet under the door with a fake letter from Alessandra.
What happens next can only be described as traumatic for everyone involved. Especially us.
“I’m just going to spread your cheek with my knee,” Selina winces as her pantless hubby leans on the bed.
Cody winces. “Like, just put it on all over the hairs on my butt crack.
Now is when we should let them know that the official instructions on the tube specifically warn against applying the cream directly to intimate areas.
Need more details? This cream is like acid and will literally give you third degree burns if you disobey the instructions.
Imagine the damage it would do if you applied it directly to your lips. Now imagine the damage he would do if he got close other areas as delicate as your lips.
We’ll call the hospital now and tell them to be on hold.
Either way, it’s a creative reward for what Cody said to Selina last week.
Speaking of things as uncomfortable as a hair removal cream burn, Dom panics Jack for casually mentioning that he once had sex with an ex-girlfriend a million years ago.
“I just don’t understand, like, honestly, it’s just… weirdshe growled as they lay together.
The admission came up in conversation the night before, and Dom still hasn’t let go, 12 hours later.
“It wasn’t much! And I would tell you if it was,” Jack reasons. “For me, sleeping with my ex after our breakup wasn’t a big deal – I had slept with her countless times, we had been together for four years. It wasn’t a major thing.
But Dom doesn’t. “So are you sure it wasn’t something you were hiding?”
The accusation leaves Jack speechless and only able to communicate through his eyes.
“Are you still talking to him?” Dom asks. “Don’t you think she’ll get a bad idea out of it?” Why does she need to be your friend? I do not understand. Like, I’m not meAlous …”
No, you are quite reasonable.
“There was a mutual rift,” Jack hastens to explain. “We’ve gotten to the point where we’re not in love with each other anymore.”
Dom cuts it off. “But you fucked after your separation,” she shoots down her reasoning.
Jack rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, wishing he could have had a normal day with his wife. No fights. No shouting. Just a day spent doing something normal – like giving yourself third-degree burns from overusing hair removal creams.
Is it completely obvious that we avoided Andrew and Holly tonight? The fights have become exhausting. The only thing we’ll care about is if he’s willing to change his mind about the peg.
After a week of turmoil and arguments, Andrew has begun to come to terms with the idea of being polite to his wife and agrees to stop telling her he thinks she’s bad at sex. But Holly isn’t willing to move on so easily.
She invites him to her apartment to end things.
“I had given it my all, really tried – and now my tank is empty,” she says, kind but firm.
Well, that triggers Andrew. Texas does not get abandoned. Texas is the one who does dumping.
“So, just so you know…” he launches into another condescending monologue, using all the communication skills he picked up as a rookie motivational speaker.
“I have the impression that everything has been put in place me. Leaders admit when they are at fault – no matter what. I think it is What true leaders To do.”
While he shits, reciting a mishmash of quotes and advice he’s captured from motivational Instagram meme accounts, Holly does something we’ve never seen her do. She smiles. Andrew’s self-righteous rants usually pissed her off and left her screaming, but the past two weeks of suffering have led to a breakthrough. There is no point in arguing with fools. She knows her husband looks ridiculous. And she knows we know it looks ridiculous. So she smiles and tries to stifle the laughter that rises from her chest.
Of course, Andrew only cares about himself and doesn’t realize that he’s being laughed at.
“Holly, I still haven’t heard an apology in any way or accountability,” he rages. “And until that happens, I don’t see this progressing in any way.
Our jaws drop. Andrew is actually trying to break up with Holly even though she literally just broke up with him.
Again, Holly smiled.
“Well, I’m sorry you feel like that,” she jumps off the couch and hops to the front door, holding it open for Andrew to get out.
“I feel like you’re exhibiting a bit of a narcissistic behavior, if I’m being completely honest with you,” he tries to throw out another insult.
“Absolutely, you are entitled to your perception,” Holly agrees. “Anyway, on that point, I won’t let you insult me again. So I think we’re done and I think I’ll show you the door.
In the hallway, we cut to raw footage of Andrew losing it even more.
“She’s trying to pass me off as someone I’m not, which is good because it is what narcissists do,” he snaps.
He’s hotter than Cody’s burnt ass.
Inside, as Holly lights sage sticks and clears bad energy from her life, she reflects on why she signed up for this show.
“This week has been quite disgusting,” she sighs.
Well, it was sex week, Holly. It was always going to be disgusting.